Good Morning Dumb Ass

This morning my wife and I had a bit of a chuckle because she miss understood me.  Our morning routine is like this, right now.  I get up first, go try to spend some quiet time with God and write in my journal.  Then I check on my wife see if she is ready to get up.  Somewhere in there, I will bring my mum tea and maybe her breakfast.  Then I do my morning exercises for my back.  Next, I make breakfast for the family.  Usually my mum first, if I haven't already fed her, then I'll make breakfast for my wife and I which I bring in the bedroom (most mornings) and then it's time to get ready for work for me and my wife get's in her workout clothes.

Well this morning things were running a bit slow.  We got to bed late that past few evenings and so I didn't get right up.  I finally drug myself out of bed at about 6:30 and attempted to have some quiet time with the Lord and then after journaling at bit, I went in to check on my wife (about 7:45) who was still sleeping.  So I went back out made mum's morning tea and did my morning exercises.  After my exercises I checked in on my wife and roused her.  I said, "I'm going to make breakfast for mum and us." But what she heard was "Good morning dumb ass."

Now you have to realize that we have been married for 44 years and counting; and name calling is not one of our things.  There have been times when we have accused each other of criticizing the other but it hasn't been our habit to use the "b" word or to call the other stupid let alone dumb.  But on the other side I think if I had thought that she had said something like "dumb ass", I would have taken umbrage and worse yet I wouldn't have given her the benefit of doubt.  I would have denied that I misunderstood what had been said.

I think that when we are younger there is the assumption that we know what is right and what we heard.  If we think someone insulted us then it must have been done maliciously and the other person's intent was to harm our psyche or reputation, when there may have been just a misunderstanding.  I think one of the biggest and most freeing changes in my life was when I stated to think, "Hey, maybe I miss understood or maybe I forgot."  So now if my wife says that I said such and such and I have no memory of it, instead of denying that I said it or did it, I just say, "Oh, that's funny, I don't remember saying or doing that?"

Human memories are not infallible.  What might seem like a crystal clear memory to us is some fuzzy logic stored way in our brains that changes every time recall it.  It has been proven that in fact people can cause us to change what we remember by making suggestions while we recall or recount it.   So part of my maturity has been coming to the place where I don't stand on my memories as facts.  Instead I am willing to hear how someone else remembers the events even if they don't line up with how I remember them.

There are people with eidetic memories but I am not one of them.  In fact it is more often found in children than adults and among children it is only 2-10 percent.  It is so freeing to realize that we are not always right.  When we stop defending our interpretations and memories and listen to others, we might actually learn something.

I think the biggest down fall of married couples is putting being right over coming back together.  Some of the worst fights I have had with my wife have been the ones where one or both of us refuse to compromise on our view or our stance.  Somehow being "right" becomes our objective rather than getting to know our spouse better.  Standing on or rightness is just pure pride and arrogance.  We know that God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.  Better to be humble with another person than to be opposed by God. 

This doesn't mean we have to agree with everything someone else spouts, but it does mean we don't have to turn it into a contest of wills.  We can agree to disagree on some things.  I neither consider myself strictly conservative no liberal.  I am a moderate, but I am sure that to some I would seem liberal and to others conservative.

This gives me the freedom to love people right where they are without judging them even when I don't agree with their world views on any number of topics.  Now I do believe in absolute truths.  I have had personal encounters with God and have been transformed by the power of God's Holy Spirit and the transformative truths written in the Bible.  But knowing God and is Word and being filled with his Holy Spirit doesn't make me inherently right.  It just gives me insight into God's absolute and immutable Truth.  But not everyone has discovered this transformative life.  In fact some are bound up by false beliefs.

I believe that there are deceiving spirits roaming about the world causing all sorts of havoc.  Some people have been taken captive by such lying spirits and don't realize it.  Arguing with such people is fruitless.  They are not our enemies, they are victims of spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly realms.  I want my life to be a living testimony to the greatness and goodness of God.  I want His Love to pour out through me in how I treat the least of them.  I want to live by the Spirit in humility and love; being a beacon to others who may one day ask me about the Hope that I have.  So I pray for the lost and speak the Truth in love and humility.

So the next time you think someone is calling you a dumb ass, give them the benefit of the doubt, and choose to think the better thing and laugh about it.


Serving The King of Kings,
Rev Alan J Beckett
A.k.a. Preacher Al

He walked out on his step-daughter's wedding

On the guy who walked out on his “step-daughter’s” wedding

I watched this video the other morning where supposedly this guy goes on to say how he was taken advantage of by his GF and her daughter.  Apparently he had paid for the girl’s education, bought her a car and was in the process of paying for her wedding when I got fed up because, according to his testimony the girl and the mom failed to invite a group of guests he had asked to be invited and they change the host from him to the girl’s natural father.  

On one side the story paints this guy as some kind of saint who ends up indignant because his GF and her daughter treat him more like an ATM than a patriarch/father.  But every story has two sides and we are not hearing from the women in this story, only the indignant guy who feels taken advantage of.

I have a few questions:

1. Obviously they have been together for a while since he paid for the girl’s education.  So why is her mom just his GF instead of his wife?  It makes me wonder how emotionally invested he is in the relationship.
2. Does providing for someone’s financial desires like education, car and wedding make you a true patriarch?
3. What was his expectation of his role of patriarch vs. their expectation of him
4. Was he just a well off guy who was taken advantage of because he was willing to shell out the bucks
5. Does making a financial commitment equate to love?

My conclusions

I see a couple of things at work. First as someone who watched his father work long and hard to make sure that family had it basic needs met, I can related to this kind of thinking.  When I first got married, I thought that my main job as a husband was to bring home the bacon.  BUT as I have learned in my 42 years of marriage it takes more than bringing home the bacon to be a true husband/patriarch.  I had to learn how to listen and how to see past monetary considerations.  There is a need for emotional commitment as well as financial.

Second: I think the feminist movement has done a pretty good job of trying to marginalize men.  Men are sperm donors more that fathers and often feminists would like to see them less involved in the parenting process because they are more likely to cause harm than good.  I don’t just blame feminism for this.  First I blame the men of the past who have tried to make women look weak, helpless and more of a bother than a help.  Men who referred to the traditional roles of women as somehow less valuable than that of those who worked outside the home. And I blame those men who have allowed themselves to be made tame and nice (in the old French meaning of having no backbone or self-determination).  Men and women are meant to work alongside each other helping, loving and encouraging each other.  It is time for the pengelem to find its center when neither the man nor the woman’s rights/value is greater than the other’s.

Third: I see men who are unwilling to commit to the role of patriarch.  Some seem happy to be mere sperm donors and are unwilling to participate in the upbringing of their prodigy other than the occasional appearance at their convenience.  I don’t know who to blame for this.  Clearly they have learned this kind of behavior from observing someone else like their own absent fathers.

Finally I see a lack of good role models.  If we look to either Hollywood or Washington DC we are going to be disappointed because we see people more self-focused and self-absorbed than anything.  There are some in the church, but like the apostle Paul said in his time, “Teachers we have plenty of what we lack are good father figures.”  I would take that to mean we don’t have enough men investing in other younger people to help them become good role models and teach them what it really means to be a spouse and parent.

In the video I was referring to, I think the man assumed that his giving money was loving his GF and her daughter.  Maybe that was his love language, but I don’t think that they really felt he was invested in them emotionally based on their behavior.  Maybe I am wrong.  There are plenty of selfish people in the world.  But I also believe that if you are investing in people financially you cannot expect to get anything back.  I think we will always be disappointed in them.  When we give we need to do so without any preconceived expectations of getting respect or our due.  Jesus taught us not to loan to others but rather to give without expectation of  being paid back, whether that be in money or respect.  When we give things with expectations we bind ourselves to the potential of disappointment and resentment.

God loves a cheerful giver who gives without compulsion and without expectation.

The World is a Swimming Pool Analogy

Sometimes it is helpful to try a new way of looking at things.  I call this my theology or analogy of "The World is a swimming pool".  I chose this analogy because I wanted something that showed that any of our actions can affect others.  Obviously, some metaphors or analogies break down at some point, so let's keep it simple.

Imagine that we are all in this pool together, the good the bad and the not so nice.  Some of us just want to have fun in the pool and enjoy the life we have there.  We also do our best to make it a pleasant experience for others.  But for some reason, there are some, usually just a few, who really don't care about the rest of the people in the pool, and instead of going to the lavatory, they relieve themselves in the pool and leave floating evidence of their selfish acts.

Of course, this is obvious to everyone in the pool but since the pool is our home we cannot simply leave.  So people have any number of reactions

Some people are quick to point out the obvious.  They go on and on about it making sure that everyone notices that they noticed.

Others want to blame someone and quickly affix blame to anyone not like them.  Some of the despoilers capitalize on this start blaming others to direct attention away from them.

Some people suggest that laws need to be passed to penalize those creating the mess and suggest that "someone" should do something about it.

And one group immediately looks for ways to clean things up.

So I would classify the residence into a few groups

Group 1 - The filth makers.  They don't really care about themselves or anyone else.  That is why they make a mess.

Group 2 - The flustered.  They are upset about what they see but are unwilling to do much besides complain by pointing out the obvious.

Group 3 - The fixers.  They are the ones looking for solutions.

The filth makers are making a negative impact, The flustered create anxiety and ill feelings but do little to improve the situation, only The fixers actually improve things.  I think we all fit into one or more of these categories.  We may, in fact, be in any one of the groups on a given day, depending on the circumstances and our own attitudes and preferences.

I came up with this analogy quite some time ago, but as of late I have seen a lot of people complaining about litterers at Lake Tahoe.  Admittedly it bugs me, but I don't live there, so there really isn't anything I can do to help the problem short of taking time off and going up there to help the clean up efforts.  But I think I will keep my efforts concentrated on my own town.

What I can do is try to educate.  I am a teacher and preacher and this little blog is one of my outlets for talking about things that I think are worth discussing.

I think the solution (fixing) will be found in three vanes: Education, confrontation and action.

A.  Education isn't complaining and posting pictures on FB about how horrible it is.  Educating is working with people in your sphere of influence to help them see:

1. The effect the undesirable behavior has on others and thereby hopefully preventing the pool griming behavior. 
2.  How a pool (world) without added filth is a much more pleasant place to live.

B.  Confrontation is not retribution.  Confrontation is lovingly approaching people and encouraging them to clean up after themselves.  We don't need to name call or criticize.  But rather help them to see that we are watching and we will not ignore the behavior that adds filth to our home.  If they refuse to respond, look them in the eye and then clean it up yourself.  They may laugh at you, but you are not there to gain their approval, you are there to demonstrate and encourage behavior that makes for a better pool (world).

C. Action means actually doing something.  Do something positive to correct the situation.  Again this is not merely posting on FB and complaining about those who make a mess.  Taking action means organizing a clean up effort, coming up with creative solutions or just cleaning up what is right there in front of you.  Don't do it for approval, do it for the sake of all of us living in the pool.  Your actions may inspire others to come along side and help.  Always focus on the positive.  Show how easy it is. Don't complain about having to do it, that is just trying to draw attention to yourself ("See how good I am and how bad they are!").  An atheist might say do good for goodness sake but I'm a Christian, I say do it for the glory of God, for the love of His Creation and to demonstrate love to those who live with us in the pool (world).

I think that Filth Makers fall into one of the following subcategories and I have included my suggested way of dealing with them

1. Uneducated with regard to keeping the pool clean.  To them things being a mess may seem normal.  The best way to deal with them is to confront, educate and invite them to help you clean things up.
2. The Broken - not everyone was raised in a household where they felt loved and cared for.  Some people have grown up in squalor and don't know any different.  Dirty seems normal and they many not even think they are equipped to clean up after themselves, let alone anyone else.  Once again confrontation, education and invitation will help them see that there is a better way. 
3. The Disabled/disadvantaged - some people are really unable to clean up after themselves.  Either they are physically or mentally challenged or they are so exhausted or beatdown that they cannot pick up after themselves.  The only answer to that is to help them, by cleaning up after them and or helping them get respite.  If they are willing, you could encourage them to do what they can, which comes back to service, education and inspiration.
4. The Forgetful - Have you ever been to an event and afterward there are half empty soda cans everywhere?  Children are especially bad about this, especially if no one has worked to teach them to pick up after themselves.  Once again confronting, educating and inviting are the answers.  Help them get a sense of accomplishment in helping keep the pool clean.  However just chiding those who forget does little to help them remember next time.
5. The Spiteful or privileged - There are those who either have always had someone to clean up after them or for whatever reason hate those who ask them to clean up after themselves.  I don't really know all the psychology behind such thinking, but again confronting, educating and inviting them to help is the preferred method of dealing with them.  If they disrespect you or call you names, let it go.  Just continue to confront them when you catch them in the act and invite and demonstrate by example.

I can't finish this piece without spending a bit of time on the flustered.

The Flustered feel the need to inform people.  Their motivation may seem genuine, but ultimately it is selfishly motivated.  They decry the wrong but in so doing they merely point out the obvious and bring attention to themselves.  I would like to suggest some possible motives or mindsets.

1.  They don't believe that they can do anything, so they hope by alerting others that "someone" will do something.
2. They want to point out that they are not someone who would leave filth in the pool. "See, I'm one of the good ones who doesn't make messes."
3. They feel anxious about the mess in the pool and they are trying to relieve that anxious feeling.
4. They are embarrassed because they had accidentally fouled the pool and are trying direct attention away from themselves.

So much of this comes down to our values and worldview.  If we tend to protect that which we find valuable to us but not everyone values the things we do.  If you value natural beauty and cleanliness, then you will most likely do what you can to not spoil it but if you value yourself and your pleasure most, then you may not care about natural beauty or cleanliness.  I highly suspect that those who themselves have not felt valued may not be able to value things like beauty or be willing take others into consideration.

Even though I have classified people's response, that is not meant to label as much as to educate and inform.  We need to look at ourselves and examine our motives.  I hope and pray that this article has encouraged you to do so.  I have tried to confront and educate you here.  If you feel insulted or criticized, I would suggest your take a closer look at yourself.  When we feel criticized we can do one of two things, we can whine about it, or we can take a look in the mirror and decide if the criticism was deserved or if it really doesn't apply to us.

However you react to this article, I pray that you would begin to think and act towards making our world a better place to live.  As an old adage goes, "If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem."

The bottom line:  As long as there are enough of us working to make our world a better place by educating, confronting and acting things will improve.

Don't feel overwhelmed by the enormity of the task.  Maybe you cannot save the world, but you can make that part of it which is in your sphere of influence a bit better.   One last thought... to quote the Apostle Paul, "Don't get tired of doing the right thing" (Preacher Al's paraphrase). He encourages us with this word because there will be days when you want to throw in the towel, but keep at it, whether you realize it or not, you are making a difference.

Don't confuse Christianity with so called "Spiritual Knowledge"

Of late I have seen a number of my Christian friends reposting things that sound good, but are most definitely not Christian in theme or nature.  In fact they are Humanist, Buddhist or secularist philosophical thinking.  What I am having the most problem with are these exhortations to surround yourself with the right kind of people.  I know that many so-called Christian writers and inspirational teachers present these ideas under the guise of not keeping bad company (a biblical idea) or claiming that all wisdom comes from God.  Truth be know is that God's wisdom seems like foolishness to the unspiritual unredeemed  mind.  Not everything that sounds good is from God.  Proverbs 14:12 warns us that there is a way that seems right to us, but its end is death.

I think there are two things we should keep in mind.  First, the life of Jesus and the words of Jesus and second, the words and actions of his followers.  Jesus hung out with prostitutes and other sinners.  Because of the company He kept, people even accused him of being a drunkard and a glutton. Clearly Jesus was not too worried about whom he kept company with.  In fact it seemed that those parts of the Jewish culture that the religious/righteous  people would eschew/avoid/reject were in fact attracted to Jesus.

If we look at Jesus' entourage, we will see people who might have killed one another under different circumstances.  He had fishermen, who by nature can be a bit rough and tumble. He had a tax collector who was basically a Roman collaborator who took advantage of his fellow Jews.  He had Simon the Zealot, who would have sworn to kill Romans and Roman sympathizers.  He had a woman who had been filled with demons and may have been a prostitute.  Clearly Jesus wasn't worried about being influenced by their company.

I know that the Apostle Paul warns us his letter to the Corinthians about keeping company with people who practiced all sorts of sin.  But he spells out that this only applies to Christians who are unrepentant.  He basically says that this doesn't apply to non-believers.

Now some of you might argue that we are not Jesus but isn't He the standard that we set for ourselves in conduct and compassion.  In my book, if it is good enough for Jesus then it is good enough for me.  Now we do need to be cautious about the people that we keep company with.  We are warned not to be in business or relationships with non-believers.  I think that it all comes down to who we are in Christ.  Are we men and woman so full of Jesus that it attracts all kinds of people to us?  Are we so filled with Him, that we become the one influencing others rather then the other way around?

Be careful not to swallow everything that sounds good or wise on the internet.  There is lots of stuff that sounds good, but it really doesn't reflect the heart of a true follower of Jesus Christ.  We are called to be salt and light.  Light drives away darkness and attracts those looking to escape it.  Salt flavors the lives of those who come in contact with us.

When we complain about the world, we are saying that Christ isn't enough.  The world is filled with sin and evil.  Sin and evil have no love for God, but sinners and those harmed by evil need a savior, a healer and a redeemer.  We are the hands of feet of Jesus here on earth.  We are ministers of reconciliation who can help the sinner find Christ.  We are ambassadors of the Kingdom of Heaven who represent the interests of our Lord and King Jesus.  Our lives must demonstrate the reality of Christ's redeeming work.  And the only way we can do that is to be fully trusting in Him, spending time with Him in prayer, meditation and studying His Word.  We have the answer - Christ in us, the hope of Glory.

I pray that you have been encouraged this day to live for Him.  To not worry so much about what others may say about you but rather you would take comfort in knowing that Jesus has chosen you and sealed you with his Holy Spirit as proof that you are forever his.  His words are the only ones that really matter.  What does He say about you?  What did He do for you?  This is where our value is found.  No amount of naysayers or grumblers can undo the work that He has done and will continue to do in each of us.

Blessings,
Preacher Al

Going Beyond Perceived Truth and Opinions

Proverbs 18:2 -"A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions."
Proverbs 12:23 "A prudent man conceals knowledge, But the heart of fools proclaims foolishness."


The topic of telling the truth to people has come up on my FB page more that once.  Basically, the post seems to say or imply that telling people the truth isn't being mean it's being forthright.  I can relate as at times I have tended to just tell people what I thought about things because I was convinced of my own rightness; that is just arrogance.  In fact, a friend of mine at our going away to Ukraine Luau said, "Before I met Alan, I thought that I was the most arrogant person..." So as to say that he found me to be quite arrogant.  Of course, I tend to think of myself as being well informed and humble.  But as I pass the 60-year mark I find that I am not as smart as I thought I was.  I am finding that if I shut my mouth and listen and stop trying to win the argument, I can learn a few things.

People who are convinced of their rightness are often just prattling fools.  They are self-deceived and in need of a Jethro Leroy Gibbs reset (slap in the back of the head).  What is funny as those very prattling fools I am talking about won't even realize that I am talking about them, just as I wouldn't have.

I don't know if is age or time, or just God's relentless transformative work, but it seems that this lesson isn't learned for most until after the age of 50.  When we are young, we tend to think we are the first to discover a concept and that everyone older than us is terribly uninformed.  But as time goes on some of those things that we were so convinced of as eternal truths turn out to be fanciful thinking and mere opinion. Part of this can be explained by the scientific fact that our brains don't finish growing until we are in our twenties.  Then our brains continue to mature and make more connections as we mature.  We may lose some of our brains elasticity as we get older, but ordinarily, we don't get dumber.

Those who claim the premise of being right or knowing the truth at the expense of others have not learned that it is Love, not Truth or Knowledge that is the trump card.  When you dismiss someone else's dignity because you think you are right you have missed the point and you are just a self-important fool who is more interested in your own opinion than in what is really right and true.

The fool thinks him/herself wise but their lack of love for others, their use of abusive language and their demeaning of others tells another story,  Jesus said you will know a tree by its fruit.  Good fruit is Agape love.  Good fruit is respect for human dignity.  The bad tree fails to see anything but its own truncated perspective and spews its own vile and prideful attitudes and calls it truth.  Good fruit is born out of humility and time spent with the Master.

So the next time you are convinced that you are right - think twice.  You may just be a noisy gong and clanging cymbal devoid of God's love.

In Him
Preacher Al

Just a quick thought

I was inspired by a post by Glenn Burris, the president of the International Church of the Foursquare Gospel.  He has been reading a book called "God's Generals" one of those characters was Aimee Semple McPherson and Glenn remarked on a Facebook post about how Aimee didn't let cultural expectations limit her ministry.  And this thought came to me.

As Christians we can neither ignore the culture around us nor let it limit us.  The culture may try to hinder us with values that fly in the face of The Good News of Jesus Christ.  But as Christians we have to keep our eyes on Jesus, pursuing The Kingdom and its righteousness in spite of what the culture is saying.

So when the culture says that things like riches and social standing are important we have to continue to find our value in the eyes of our Savior.  We must find our value in what He has done and not in our earthly accomplishments. We cannot let things like fame and earthy success define us (one way or the other).  No matter what we accomplish here on earth, if it is not done in His strength and according to His will, then we are just building idols for ourselves - sand cassels on the shore.

Just felt the need to say this

I am a sold out Christian.  I believe in God not only because the Bible says so, but because I have a personal encounter with the Living God.

A sermon preached on March 15th by Pastor Ronnie Flores has inspired me to write this

• I have looked into His Law and seen my own depravity and
• I have looked into the eyes of Jesus and seen his abiding love for me in His Grace.
• I realize that I can do nothing of lasting worth apart from Him but
• I know that I can do immeasurably more than I can think or imagine, because He lives in me.
• I know that His Law demands perfection but
• I am not discouraged, because He doesn't expect me to figure it all out on my own.
• In fact I am encouraged because He has empowered me to be His ambassador.
• Because He first loved me, I can love the unlovable
• Because He forgave me, I can forgive all others.
• Because He died for me, I can die to my own selfish desires
• Because He rose from the dead, I can now enter into the eternal life
• Because He was obedient even unto death, I can obey Him
• Because His voice is like no other, I will always follow Him.
• Because He has given me the seal of the Holy Spirit, I know that I am forever His
• Because He has given me gifts, I am now equipped to bless others.
• Because God is my Father, all men are my brothers and all women my sisters.
• Because I know that His desire is to see all people come to the saving knowledge of Him, I will preach his Word
• Because I am a citizen of the Kingdom of Heaven, my allegiance will always be to Him first and foremost above any human institution
• Because I am his, I will fear neither the scheming of evil men nor the schemes of the devil.
• Because I know that He will never allow anyone to snatch me out of His Hand, I know that my future is secure.
• Because He suffered for my sins, I can suffer any hurt for His sake
• Because He lives in me, I will live for Him.

And when I fail, as I am sure I will, He picks me up, reminds me of his Love and encourages me to continue on