Life As a Missionary

17 Dec 2007
Life as a missionary Category: Life

So I was having a discussion with Em to day, and it stirred up a number of thoughts in me. We were discussing people buying clothes and suddenly I was reminded about how few clothes I had growing up. My brother and I had one nice set for Sunday or other special events and a couple more shirts and pants. Not a lot of stuff. We didn't have many toys either. They could pretty much all fit on the top shelf of our closet. What we got was pretty much limited to birthdays and Christmas. We didn't go shopping to buy stuff, just because we wanted to kill some time.

My first bike wasn't a new one, it was a used bike that was stolen within a year of it being purchased... though that was my fault for leaving hit out somewhere instead of putting it away. But any way because of all the outsourcing of jobs and such things are cheaper compared than they were when I was a kid. People have so much more "disposable" income. They often have lots more stuff, unless their trying to live beyond their means by buying a house to expensive for their income.

But all that to say, we have come to expect to have lots of stuff. I think we just buy it because we can. We have credit cards and more disposable income than we ever have, so we just keep buying cool stuff because we can. We never even ask, or seldom ask, if we should buy all this stuff. Americans have so much stuff they have to buy storage sheds to keep it in, because there houses are overflowing with it!

I see it in American missionaries too. I can't speak for British or German, and this doesn't apply to all missionaries, but it seems many feel the need to live like they did in the states or better. You have probably seen me rant and rave about this before. The thing is they seem like nice enough people. They are personable, they share their homes for parties and stuff, they have lots of people over... but I cannot but think about how this affects the Ukrainians who come to visit. Ukrainians, as a whole, don't have as much disposable income. It isn't uncommon to see some of them wear the same outfit day after day. Many don't make more than $500 a month. So anyway, what are they thinking when they see American missionaries. I am afraid our money, our nice homes and toys speak louder than our Christian witness. Maybe to us they don't mean much, but to those with so little, our wealth speaks volumes. It says things I am sure we have no intent to say. Like trust in wealth. American is the answer to your problems. It must be great to be a missionary so that you can be rich.

I'm not sure I am much better. I think I live as I do because this is all my support will buy. If I had $1500, or $2000 or like some missionaries $4000 a month, I am sure I might have a few more toys. I think that would be the case, because that was my objective as an American – to have cool stuff. I like big screen TV's and computers and Palm pilots. I like DVD movies and video games. I really think God has purposely taken me to a place, financially, where I cannot have a lot of stuff. I am dependent upon him. At first I was kind of angry at all those people who don't support me who should (at least in my mind). Don't they know I am working for God and they should make the sacrifice to support me? Ouch! That isn't a great testimony or as we say in Ukraine, "that's not pretty." I have to ask myself if the bone I have to pick with "rich" missionaries isn't motivated by envy. Am I envious of all the cool stuff they have and the big homes they live in, all on their supporter's dime? You bet I am. I'm not proud of that. In fact I am working to repent of that attitude. I am really trying to be right with God.

I guess I could have worked the system; spent a year or two drumming up support. Making sure I had a clear mission statement as to why I was coming over here and all. I could write glowing reports about all the ministry we do and make sure I have lots of photo's to show on my website and such… but God did something different in me. It was like he wouldn't let me do that. He put such a compulsion in me to go, I just couldn't wait to make sure I had all the support I needed. The only promise I had was from God. He said if I go, he would make sure I had all the support I needed. Now I think there may be some difference between what I thought God was going to provide and what He knew I actually needed.

There are those who promised to support us but never provided a dime. There are those who supported us just for a short time, and there are those who have been faithful from the beginning and have even increased their support of us. It is a humbling thing to look to others for your support. If I had all my bills paid, and if I decided to do without life insurance and such, I could likely have an additional $800 or so to put to work. But the bills are still there and I guess I will just keep paying the insurance for now. I could also get some more money by dropping those missionaries we support. Isn't that crazy? I am a missionary supporting missionaries. It doesn't come out of the support we get from our people; it comes out of the remnant of my military stipend, but I cannot bring myself to do it.
Lately we have heard about people flying back to the US for Christmas, or going skiing in Austria. Someone is driving to the Netherlands and we know someone driving to Budapest. We on the other hand saw a down turn in our support and will not be going anywhere. We will be staying in Kyiv for Christmas and won't be going anywhere unless we absolutely have to. And I am okay with that. I'm really not a skiing in the Alps kind of guy, and neither is my wife. I would love to visit a few places like, Rome, Athens, Israel and such, but until God sees fit to change our circumstances we will just make the best of what we can do.

My land lord is here this week. So I am trying to get the money together for the next three months. He collects rent three months at a time them goes back to live in Crimea. I am praying he doesn't jack the rent up 'cause there is no way we can afford an increase right now. But I'm not mad at anyone. I am just learning to walk by faith. I will continue to write news letters and such and stay in touch with our supporters, and believe that God will provide for all our needs. We have yet to go hungry, not that we all couldn't stand to miss a meal or two. I may not be able to have all the cool stuff I want but I don't need it and knowing me, it would just get in the way of doing ministry. The more stuff you have the more you have to worry about losing. What I do have is God's, so if he sees fit to take it away, that's his business.

So in the mean time I am going to love my family, keep working on my writing projects, keep meeting with the guys, keep visiting our Ukrainian friends in Chernighiv, keep being a good host to all the people Emily invites and keep trusting God. I'm going to keep praying for my wife who works really long hours. I am going to keep praying for my family and my extended family. I'm going to look for opportunities to let God's light shine and I am going to walk the path God has set before me no matter how rocky it gets. I'm going to preach God's word every opportunity I am given and I am going to give thanks for everything I have.

I don't know why God blesses others more than some. I don't necessarily think America is more deserving of blessing than any other place in the world. I don't think American Christians are more deserving of stuff than Sudanese or Chinese Christians are. We will all have to answer for our lives. If God has blessed us abundantly then I am sure that his expectation will be that we are to bless others just as feely and abundantly.

So I pray that you are experiencing the good life with God. Not a life defined by possessions or by some other worldly standard. I pray that you too are being drawn into the bosom of God, learning how to depend on him day-to-day for your very breath and life. That is what my life in Kyiv is teaching me. It is teaching me that God is faithful It is teaching me that no matter what happens to me in the physical, that my eternal salvation is made sure because God loves me, Jesus has paid the penalty for my sin and I continue to live for him. I have learned that my expectations are inconsequential next to the will of God. I have learned that his plan for my life is better than anything I could have pursued. Not because I have more stuff, but because my life has more purpose. Maybe that is what Alan needed… less stuff to make room for more of God's purpose. I am grateful like I have never been grateful before. Even if I wake up and don't know exactly what I am going to do, I know that God will provide something or someone to make the difference.

Today it was sitting down to write this blog, which made all the difference. Tomorrow it may be in meeting with my friends who I serve with. The day after it may be a phone call I make to an old friend. There seems to be something most every day when I feel used of God and right in the middle of his will. Often it's little things. You see it in a person's eyes when you share some insight that God has taught you. Some times it's just the squeeze of a hand from someone grateful. Sometimes it's the look you get when you provide someone with something they needed. Sometimes it is just that sense of accomplishment you get from knowing you did what God wanted.

Blessings to all of you…

In Christ,
P.A.