Happiness, fun and homosexuality

Once again I am provoked by a FB post to blog on another topic.  Does that make me a reactionary? :D

Okay so what about wanting to be happy and wanting to have fun.  In one sense this doesn't sound to bad, it almost sounds plausible.  But I do not think that these statements cannot stand as axioms for life.  Am I apposed to people being happy or to having fun?  Of course not!, But I do think there needs to be some sort of  caveat to go with it; something that says fun or happiness has some sort of conditions or limits on it.

So what is happiness.  I think in its basic form happiness is "I get to do what I like doing."  I am happy when I am watching a good movie, I am happy when my wife is kind and supportive (which nowadays, by the way, is most of the time).  I am happy when I have money to purchase the things I want to have.  I am happy when the sun shines, the temperature is mild and the pollen count is low.  Happiness is conditional.

In the constitution we are guaranteed the right to pursue happiness.  Which is the say that we all have the right to work to pursue some form of happiness (likely in its day it had a different meaning than it holds today).  However the Constitution does not guarantee that I will be happy or that it's the government's job to ensure I am happy.  My happiness is my business.  Other people are not responsible to insure that I will be made happy.  Sometimes others will in fact be unhappy when the right thing or the moral thing is required.  I doubt that many people nowadays are happy about paying taxes, yet it is necessary for a government to govern.  Jesus recognized that when he told the Pharisees that one should render unto Caesar what is Caesar's and render unto God what is God's.  In a way he was saying, "As much as you would like to keep all that you earn for yourself, it isn't possible.  You need to pay the government their taxes (even if they are an oppressive one - which is what the Jews thought of Rome) and you must pay tithe or temple tax so that the church may continue serve the spiritual and physical needs of the people of God.

If children had their way, they would never have to do chores or homework, they would never have to eat anything that is "good for them" and they would be able to play as many games and watch as much TV as they cared to.  But parents know that children most learn some sense of responsibility.  Although there are some who are parents who have not learned this lesson for themselves.  When a parent puts a child on time out or when parent withholds privileges that child is not happy.  Is that wrong? Of course not!  Children do not know what they need (what they must learn to do and not do); initially all they know is what they want or don't want.  I cannot think of anytime I was happy to do the dishes when I was a child but now as an adult, I am happy to see all the dishes cleaned and put away when I come into the kitchen in the morning..  But we should know that parent(s) and the child are not always both able to be happy at the same time.  When a parent says no to a child, it is often because they know that the thing the child thinks they would be happy with, the parent realizes would be harmful to the child's character or physical well being.  We cannot always have what we want.

So then what is fun?  I think fun relates more to our sense of pleasure.  When we do something it gives us some sort of pleasurable feed back.  I think both fun and happiness are related and that the line between them is a fuzzy one.  But back to fun. Sometimes I have heard the response of a person to being warned off doing something to be, "But it's fun"  I must say that being fun cannot be an axiom or criteria for the primary reason to do something.  This NOT me saying that we cannot have fun.  I am just saying that something being fun cannot be the most important criteria for the reason for doing something nor does it legitimise the activity.  Some things are inherently fun and are designed to be fun.  That's okay.  Some things that are meant to be fun can be made un-pleasurable by the circumstances surrounding the activity in question but being "fun" in and of itself does not make something right or needed to be carried out.

So how do we judge an activity or a state of being if not by fun or happiness?  Well I don't really think that is what I am saying.  I think a visit to Disney Land/World should be fun.  I don't think that we should have fun at someone else's expense.  Bullies have fun bullying but they make the lives of those that they bully miserable.  Luckily I escaped being bullied and as far as I know and I never played the part of a bully.  Obviously when we cause someone harm so as to have fun, that is wrong.  But there are times that when we do the right thing that not everyone will be happy with us.

But what happens when world views collide?  What do I do when someone else demands that I change the rules for how I understand the world works because they say that my way is preventing someone else from being happy.  I think there will always be the "No way José" response for some and for others, not wanting to offend, they will quickly surrender their point of view.  I'm in the group that says, "Wow, wait a second is this really something that needs to be changed?"

200 years ago, many people saw nothing wrong with enslaving people based upon skin color or national origin. They saw profit in the subjugation of other races and even found reason from a biblical position (wrongly I would add) for doing so.  So when abolitionist came along and said "Hey slavery was wrong, it must be stopped!"(and by the way abolitionist were devout Christians) there were some deeply entrenched in owning and selling slaves who thought this was crazy.  "How dare you try to turn our world view upside down?"  This happened again for women in their bid to gain equal rights (which they are still struggling for) and yet again with the civil rights movement; led by a prominent Christian Preacher - Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.  His argument that people of all colors should have equal rights touched many people's hearts and his use of nonviolence further validated his cause.

So here we are in the 21st century and we have homosexuals saying they have the same rights as anyone to marry whom they want.  They say that we are denying them happiness and their rights by not legalizing same-sex marriage.  I admit that on one side the argument seems to have some validity.  But I think it is based upon a false premise.  The premise is that they are born that way, much as a black person or a Hispanic is born with darker skin, homosexuals claim as do some scientist and psychologist that they are born that way.  Therefore they see any laws preventing them from doing what straight people are allowed to do, is completely wrong;  much as racial prejudice is wrong. Or so goes the argument.

So do homosexuals need to be married as straight couples are to be happy?  Obviously they think they do, but yet there are so many legal options that are available to them.  They can enter into a legal union as recognized by the state.  They can put their possessions and estates into non-transferable trusts.  So there are (as far as I understand) legal actions they can take to validate and protect their estates to ensure that marriage would offer.  So do we really need to change the definition of marriage from a man and a woman to any two humans.  I have to say no but this doesn't give me the right to be hateful and even angry about homosexuals wanting some recognition as people.

I don't believe that homosexuals are born that way, yet still I don't believe that it is merely a choice (although recent changes in the law of some states make this more likely to be the case).  Homosexual's claims that they have always felt that way says their is something deep in their psyche at work.  I think if I was suffering such strange urges it would be very unsettling.  I would look at nature and the function of sexual organs, and I would know something is a miss. But where does one turn for help?  Unfortunately with the current trends in psychology, homosexuality is seen as normal and psychologists try to help people come to terms with it rather finding a way out of it.  It seems like a kind thing to do, but would you do that for a child-molester, for a drug addict or a sociopath?  These people also have urges that stem from deep seated problems or even failures to mature as a human.  We want to help these folks, but for homosexuals, some want to validate them.  The truth is that psychology has failed in some respects to effectively deal with these issues.  They can identify, but not cure and to add to it, homosexuals don't want to be cured they want acceptance.

I am left with "Love never fails."  I think that what we need to do is to love homosexuals as people created in the image of our God.  We need to introduce them to Jesus and trust that He will change them through his Holy Spirit and the Word of God.  We cannot help people by merely arguing with them and we cannot help them by demanding they conform to God's or our standards.  We need engage them, talk to them, help them wrestle with the deep things of life and faith.  We don't need to condemn them.  Unfortunately very few people I know in the faith are equipped, ready,and prepared for giving such loving help.

Christ's ways are the ways of love.  Love seeks the better of the other.  Love does not react out of fear or hatred.  Loving someone doesn't mean you have to agree with them or accept their lifestyle choices, but it does mean that you try to see who God has made them to be and introduce them to the One who can redeem even the most reprobate sinner.

So is sticking with the current model of man-woman marriage denying homosexuals happiness? I don't think so.  Is it denying them a validation of their life style? Yes.  Do we as a society need to validate same sex marriage?  No, there are other avenues available.  We won't lower age of consent for sex to appease or decriminalize pedophiles even though many societies recognize the threshold of adulthood to be 12 years of age so why try to appease this group who wants to redefine marriage.  I apologize if I have offended you by making this comparison, but there are currently advocates for child sex who are even writing books to encourage other pedophiles.  Its seems here we are on the edge of a very slippery slope.  Some are pushing others are trying to hold this back.

I know this article has moved to a very emotional and political point, but it all comes back to this.  Do we have to give in to other's wishes just because they say something is fun or that it would make them happy?  I think we have to weigh such requests carefully and neither dismiss them out of hand nor just cave in to someone else's desires.

Being a Christian can be fun and as Christians we can be happy in participating in the faith life of the community of Christ.  But we need to realize that neither happiness nor fun are in and of themselves true criteria for determining what is right.  And condemning something because it is seen as "fun" is just as pointless.  Weigh all things in the light of God's Word and God's Holy Spirit.  Trust that God will help you enjoy this life that He has given you.  Trust that even in the things that are not fun or that do not make you happy, that there is room for God to move and bring about what is right and true.

Gratitude - Going Beyond a mere Thank You

The other day, someone posted a thing on FB about how bad it was to force children to show thankfulness in the form of requiring them to say, “Thank you” to others and forcing them to right thank you cards.

On one side I was appalled.  I thought that if we don’t teach them to be thankful then they will just be selfish little beggars who never show gratitude.  But you know if I am honest with myself and you, I have to admit that being someone trained under that very system, I actually find myself fighting against giving thanks to others for their generosity or their kindness.

There was a song we sang in church that I am finding myself remembering and the song started, “Give thanks with a grateful heart.”  I don’t know how many times I have sung that song without really considering what I am saying.  I thought I was grateful, but lately, as I rethink this, I must admit that there is an attitude of either ungratefulness or thinking I am some how deserving of the good things that are done for me.  In fact, I can remember being resentful towards some people because they were not giving me my due or supporting me as I thought I should be supported.

I am realizing that in me there is this little boy who resents being told to be thankful or being expected to say thanks.  As a result, my thankfulness is somehow stifled.  Instead of being thankful when I receive a gift or someone’s help I find this awkward feeling rising up in me.  Instead of responding to the kindness with a sense of gratitude I start struggling with a voice that says, “You better say ‘Thank you,’ or else!”  That causes me to hesitate which intern brings shame because I haven’t done it and pretty soon I just want to forget the whole thing.

But as I consider the sermon I heard Pastor Ron Flores Jr. preach, I am beginning  to realize that I have freedom in God’s grace; freedom to respond with a grateful heart.  As long I struggle under the externally and internally imposed “You must!”  my flesh rebels against doing the required thing.  I am realizing that the response to legalism and performance-ism is often rebellion.  I don’t want to rebel against God’s will but as Iong as I deal with it in the realm of must/must not, I will find myself fighting against God’s ways and his intent for me.

But as I consider what was shared in that Sunday Sermon that I listened to on line, I am left thinking, “Wow, have I ever got this wrong. Lord, thank you for the freedom you have given to me by your Grace.  Thank you for your example that encourages me to think beyond the limitations I and others have set on me.”  I have freedom in Christ.  So often I have missed the true picture of what the freedom looks like.

I know that this is not the freedom to do whatever I please; the freedom to be selfish.  Instead, it is the freedom to try and fail without shame, knowing that Christ has already begun a work in me that HE will continue to work on until the day I go into Glory.  I am free to live as a child of God for the rest of my life.  I am free to pursue God with my whole heart soul and mind, with all of my strength because He has made a way where there seems to be no way.  Grace has empowered me to live the abundant life that He has foreordained for me to live.

But getting back to gratitude and how and why we express it; consider the following -

If I am forced to show gratitude to those around me, then I become someone who demands it.  True gratitude comes from the heart not via coercion from the outside.  When we demand or expect gratitude then our focus is upon ourselves.  This is a case of trying to save ourselves and thereby losing ourselves.

These words came to me as I was pondering Ronnie's sermon.  True gratitude flows from the heart unhindered.  It is a natural response to what Jesus has done for me.  And because I have every reason to be grateful/thankful because of what He did on the Cross and his giving us his Holy Spirit, thankfulness is not something compelled but rather it is something that naturally flows out of the Christian heart.  And as we are grateful to Christ, we are able to be thankful to all those around us and for every little thing.  The Law cannot bring about righteousness, only God’s Grace can do that.

Walking in God’s Grace,

Pastor Alan

Service in the beyond

Sunday, December 04, 2011

Last night, or more accurately this morning I was woken up at a rather pleasant and vivid moment in what had been a long string of very strange dreams. In this dream, my wife and I where sitting at one of several long rough-hewn tables and young beautiful Ukrainian girls with broad smiles and sparkling eyes were serving us freshly cooked blini (thin pancakes, thinner than American pancakes but thicker than crepes) along with cirok (a soft slightly sour cheese that is kind of like cream cheese) and a rich dark fruit syrup that was rendered from some sort of blue or purple berry. In the dream I could see the detail in the texture of the blini, smell the fresh cooked aroma and see the steam rising from the plates. They served us and fed us until we were ready to pop. I think in part the dream came from our dinner at our dear friend Sveta’s that we had attended Saturday evening. There were no blini at Sveta’s dinner but we were filled to excess, with tasty Ukrainian cuisine.

But what struck me most about the dream was the joy that I saw in the faces of those who were serving us. Not that we were so worthy of being served but rather that it brought pleasure and joy to these young ladies to serve others. Now I have all kinds of thoughts about gender roles as well, but I will have to save that for another time. What I have discovered as I ponder this dream is that it shows what I believe is a deep spiritual truth. I am convinced that service is one of the most sincere forms of love.

Now before I explore this more, I would like to share some observations I have noted while living in Ukraine. On many occasions I have been privileged to experience Ukrainian hospitality, both in people’s homes and at social functions. I see at work a deep seated desire to serve and bless others working in the hearts of my Ukrainian friends and hosts. Sometimes I have thought that it is because we are “Americans”, but more recently I have experienced it because we are older as there is still a reverence for the elderly that is at work in some of my Ukrainian friends. But I have also seen something else at work. They serve me because they are grateful for my service to Ukraine. I must admit that I have not seen this kind of service and gratefulness at work in America as strongly as it seems to be working in the hearts of my Ukrainian friends. Sometimes I am overwhelmed by it. Sometimes I am a little embarrassed as I cannot remember being honored by young people like this before. Now maybe that’s because I turned 50, or maybe it’s because there is just something at work here that makes service to be seen as a virtue rather than a curse. But I digress.

What I am realizing is that when we serve someone else, it is one of the key ways to express our joy in their being created in the image of our God. It is a practical way to consider others more important than ourselves. This is a truly Christian value that is not exclusive to any country or any culture. I think other cultures do it better than some while a few cultures have turned service into drudgery, something lesser people “must” do for people in higher status. As I see it though, when we serve someone else, we lower ourselves (putting off our self-importance) long enough to acknowledge them as a person of value. Now I don’t care if a person is a president, a pastor or a drug addict, they all have one thing in common; they are made in the image of their Creator. I believe that by serving others, we reenact Christ’s work on the cross by dying to ourselves to serve others.

Additionally, before our Lord Jesus was crucified, He assumed the role of the lowliest of servants and washed the feet of his disciples. Then He told them (and us) to do likewise. I have been to churches where the pastors or deacons wash the feet of the people they serve. It is a profound and humbling moment. I think that many of our churches have lost sight of the value in this tradition. But I don’t think that Christ was just asking us to do some religious act. I believe that He is asking all of us to set aside our self-importance long enough to say those around us are valuable in the eyes of their creator and that we all should find practical ways to demonstrate that. Jesus did it by washing someone’s feet. Mother Theresa did it by tending to the lowliest and sickest of India’s poor. We each can find ways to serve others.

I know this needs further exploration, but let me just leave it by saying that serving others is one of the greatest ways of demonstrating God’s love for our family, our friends, the greater circle of faith and our neighbors. When Gandhi was asked what it would take for him to become a Christian he responded “For Christians to act as Christ!” Accepting and serving others is being like Christ. Service is not earned; it is a gift freely given, just as our salvation was freely given to us through God’s grace and mercy. Service is one of the ways that we can demonstrate how thankful we are to God. And we can do that by serving those made in His Image.

I also think I must also address the need to accept another’s service. Sometimes I have frankly been embarrassed to accept another person’s service. I don’t feel worthy or something about my self-sufficient American attitude makes it wrong to ask for or to receive help. There is part of my psyche that thinks accepting service makes me somehow weak. But I am realizing that by accepting another’s service, two things are accomplished. First we allow the other person the opportunity to acknowledge God’s handiwork in us. They are able to recognize us as His creations and that by honoring us (each other) they both demonstrate the worth in us and their thankfulness or respect for that. Secondly I believe that by allowing ourselves to be served, we admit that we are not all sufficient and it humbles us to accept such service and in so doing honor the one who serves us.

Lastly I would like to say that we should never expect service and we should never expect others to be grateful for our service. Service isn’t something we demand, service is something that we gratefully accept. Also service isn’t something that we do begrudgingly or because others are grateful, but rather it is something we do freely with joy and peace regardless how it is received. Now I cannot say that serving others will always be filled with joy or will be easy but I can say from personal experience that serving others is worth it.

In closing I would like to encourage you who are pastors, deacons, parents, and teachers, that part of our job is to cultivate the idea that service isn’t something that we must do, but rather it is something we get to do and further I would also say that we should work hard to avoid cultivating an attitude of entitlement. Service is an expression of the freedom that we have been given in Christ. We are free to serve others because we have been freed from the tyranny of “Me first!”

We are not entitled to anything; including service. If any of us begins to think we deserve service because we are a leader or an elder, a parent, a husband, a wife or some other sort of authority figure, then we risk making ourselves into little gods who demand that others worship us. Service must be freely given and just as freely accepted, but never demanded or expected of others. Service is an outflow of God’s love at work in our hearts. It is not done conditionally or with the expectation of gratitude or recompense. If we do it for any other reason we risk creating an idol that will draw us or others away from our relationship with our Creator and Savior. Service can be something we choose to do, but I think in its purest form it is the love of God, or the love from God manifesting itself in us and through us. Service then becomes a natural expression of the new creation that Jesus has recreated us to be.

Serving with Joy,

Alan

Addendum:

I would add in relation to couples and relationships that when one party demands service or gifts from the other it is a sign of their heart not being right.  When we feel the need to demand service or gifts from our spouse to prove their love, it is our own brokenness driving us.  Conversely if we refuse to serve or give gifts to our partner it speaks to a hardness in our own hearts.  Service and gifts should never be demanded in a relationship but still they should flow freely out of the Love that God has put in our hearts.

Service doesn't demean until it is demanded but even when it is demanded, a loving servant can serve without feeling demeaned.  Love covers a multitude of sins it can even cover over the sins of a demanding partner.