This morning my wife and I had a bit of a chuckle because she miss understood me. Our morning routine is like this, right now. I get up first, go try to spend some quiet time with God and write in my journal. Then I check on my wife see if she is ready to get up. Somewhere in there, I will bring my mum tea and maybe her breakfast. Then I do my morning exercises for my back. Next, I make breakfast for the family. Usually my mum first, if I haven't already fed her, then I'll make breakfast for my wife and I which I bring in the bedroom (most mornings) and then it's time to get ready for work for me and my wife get's in her workout clothes.
Well this morning things were running a bit slow. We got to bed late that past few evenings and so I didn't get right up. I finally drug myself out of bed at about 6:30 and attempted to have some quiet time with the Lord and then after journaling at bit, I went in to check on my wife (about 7:45) who was still sleeping. So I went back out made mum's morning tea and did my morning exercises. After my exercises I checked in on my wife and roused her. I said, "I'm going to make breakfast for mum and us." But what she heard was "Good morning dumb ass."
Now you have to realize that we have been married for 44 years and counting; and name calling is not one of our things. There have been times when we have accused each other of criticizing the other but it hasn't been our habit to use the "b" word or to call the other stupid let alone dumb. But on the other side I think if I had thought that she had said something like "dumb ass", I would have taken umbrage and worse yet I wouldn't have given her the benefit of doubt. I would have denied that I misunderstood what had been said.
I think that when we are younger there is the assumption that we know what is right and what we heard. If we think someone insulted us then it must have been done maliciously and the other person's intent was to harm our psyche or reputation, when there may have been just a misunderstanding. I think one of the biggest and most freeing changes in my life was when I stated to think, "Hey, maybe I miss understood or maybe I forgot." So now if my wife says that I said such and such and I have no memory of it, instead of denying that I said it or did it, I just say, "Oh, that's funny, I don't remember saying or doing that?"
Human memories are not infallible. What might seem like a crystal clear memory to us is some fuzzy logic stored way in our brains that changes every time recall it. It has been proven that in fact people can cause us to change what we remember by making suggestions while we recall or recount it. So part of my maturity has been coming to the place where I don't stand on my memories as facts. Instead I am willing to hear how someone else remembers the events even if they don't line up with how I remember them.
There are people with eidetic memories but I am not one of them. In fact it is more often found in children than adults and among children it is only 2-10 percent. It is so freeing to realize that we are not always right. When we stop defending our interpretations and memories and listen to others, we might actually learn something.
I think the biggest down fall of married couples is putting being right over coming back together. Some of the worst fights I have had with my wife have been the ones where one or both of us refuse to compromise on our view or our stance. Somehow being "right" becomes our objective rather than getting to know our spouse better. Standing on or rightness is just pure pride and arrogance. We know that God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Better to be humble with another person than to be opposed by God.
This doesn't mean we have to agree with everything someone else spouts, but it does mean we don't have to turn it into a contest of wills. We can agree to disagree on some things. I neither consider myself strictly conservative no liberal. I am a moderate, but I am sure that to some I would seem liberal and to others conservative.
This gives me the freedom to love people right where they are without judging them even when I don't agree with their world views on any number of topics. Now I do believe in absolute truths. I have had personal encounters with God and have been transformed by the power of God's Holy Spirit and the transformative truths written in the Bible. But knowing God and is Word and being filled with his Holy Spirit doesn't make me inherently right. It just gives me insight into God's absolute and immutable Truth. But not everyone has discovered this transformative life. In fact some are bound up by false beliefs.
I believe that there are deceiving spirits roaming about the world causing all sorts of havoc. Some people have been taken captive by such lying spirits and don't realize it. Arguing with such people is fruitless. They are not our enemies, they are victims of spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly realms. I want my life to be a living testimony to the greatness and goodness of God. I want His Love to pour out through me in how I treat the least of them. I want to live by the Spirit in humility and love; being a beacon to others who may one day ask me about the Hope that I have. So I pray for the lost and speak the Truth in love and humility.
So the next time you think someone is calling you a dumb ass, give them the benefit of the doubt, and choose to think the better thing and laugh about it.
Serving The King of Kings,
Rev Alan J Beckett
A.k.a. Preacher Al
