This morning my wife and I had a bit of a chuckle because she miss understood me. Our morning routine is like this, right now. I get up first, go try to spend some quiet time with God and write in my journal. Then I check on my wife see if she is ready to get up. Somewhere in there, I will bring my mum tea and maybe her breakfast. Then I do my morning exercises for my back. Next, I make breakfast for the family. Usually my mum first, if I haven't already fed her, then I'll make breakfast for my wife and I which I bring in the bedroom (most mornings) and then it's time to get ready for work for me and my wife get's in her workout clothes.
Well this morning things were running a bit slow. We got to bed late that past few evenings and so I didn't get right up. I finally drug myself out of bed at about 6:30 and attempted to have some quiet time with the Lord and then after journaling at bit, I went in to check on my wife (about 7:45) who was still sleeping. So I went back out made mum's morning tea and did my morning exercises. After my exercises I checked in on my wife and roused her. I said, "I'm going to make breakfast for mum and us." But what she heard was "Good morning dumb ass."
Now you have to realize that we have been married for 44 years and counting; and name calling is not one of our things. There have been times when we have accused each other of criticizing the other but it hasn't been our habit to use the "b" word or to call the other stupid let alone dumb. But on the other side I think if I had thought that she had said something like "dumb ass", I would have taken umbrage and worse yet I wouldn't have given her the benefit of doubt. I would have denied that I misunderstood what had been said.
I think that when we are younger there is the assumption that we know what is right and what we heard. If we think someone insulted us then it must have been done maliciously and the other person's intent was to harm our psyche or reputation, when there may have been just a misunderstanding. I think one of the biggest and most freeing changes in my life was when I stated to think, "Hey, maybe I miss understood or maybe I forgot." So now if my wife says that I said such and such and I have no memory of it, instead of denying that I said it or did it, I just say, "Oh, that's funny, I don't remember saying or doing that?"
Human memories are not infallible. What might seem like a crystal clear memory to us is some fuzzy logic stored way in our brains that changes every time recall it. It has been proven that in fact people can cause us to change what we remember by making suggestions while we recall or recount it. So part of my maturity has been coming to the place where I don't stand on my memories as facts. Instead I am willing to hear how someone else remembers the events even if they don't line up with how I remember them.
There are people with eidetic memories but I am not one of them. In fact it is more often found in children than adults and among children it is only 2-10 percent. It is so freeing to realize that we are not always right. When we stop defending our interpretations and memories and listen to others, we might actually learn something.
I think the biggest down fall of married couples is putting being right over coming back together. Some of the worst fights I have had with my wife have been the ones where one or both of us refuse to compromise on our view or our stance. Somehow being "right" becomes our objective rather than getting to know our spouse better. Standing on or rightness is just pure pride and arrogance. We know that God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Better to be humble with another person than to be opposed by God.
This doesn't mean we have to agree with everything someone else spouts, but it does mean we don't have to turn it into a contest of wills. We can agree to disagree on some things. I neither consider myself strictly conservative no liberal. I am a moderate, but I am sure that to some I would seem liberal and to others conservative.
This gives me the freedom to love people right where they are without judging them even when I don't agree with their world views on any number of topics. Now I do believe in absolute truths. I have had personal encounters with God and have been transformed by the power of God's Holy Spirit and the transformative truths written in the Bible. But knowing God and is Word and being filled with his Holy Spirit doesn't make me inherently right. It just gives me insight into God's absolute and immutable Truth. But not everyone has discovered this transformative life. In fact some are bound up by false beliefs.
I believe that there are deceiving spirits roaming about the world causing all sorts of havoc. Some people have been taken captive by such lying spirits and don't realize it. Arguing with such people is fruitless. They are not our enemies, they are victims of spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly realms. I want my life to be a living testimony to the greatness and goodness of God. I want His Love to pour out through me in how I treat the least of them. I want to live by the Spirit in humility and love; being a beacon to others who may one day ask me about the Hope that I have. So I pray for the lost and speak the Truth in love and humility.
So the next time you think someone is calling you a dumb ass, give them the benefit of the doubt, and choose to think the better thing and laugh about it.
Serving The King of Kings,
Rev Alan J Beckett
A.k.a. Preacher Al
Showing posts with label bitterness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bitterness. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 31, 2019
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Dealing with unforgiveness
In the Gospels we have a number of quotes from Jesus that should give us all pause when we say things like, "God (or I) could never or should never forgive so and so for what they did." The first scripture that comes to mind it from Matthew chapter six immediately following "The Lord's Prayer". It says that when we do not forgive our brothers (or sisters for that matter) then God will not forgive us! Yikes, in my book that is reason alone to always forgive.
Maybe be its easier if you have failed in a big way; if you have committed one or more of the big ten. And maybe it's harder when you have not overtly committed one of the great sins. But In Jesus words, if you will excuse my paraphrase, "If you thought it, you did it." The person who looks at another person with lust in their heart is guilty of either adultery, if they are married, or fornication. Pretty serious sins. He also tells us that if we hate someone then we are guilty of murder. So if you think you are sinless or that your sins don't count as much as those of a murder, fornicator, homosexual or adulterer, then think again.
The cost of sin is death. All of us have sinned an fall short of the glory of God. All of us need the saving power of God's grace and Jesus' blood. But actually at this point I am more concerned about those people who don't think that God can forgive them, or that think that they cannot forgive another. According to Jesus there is only one sin that cannot be forgiven; blaspheming the Holy Spirit. I think that most people do not know how to do that, but there are some out there treading on it by claiming that speaking in tongues (strange languages) is of the devil. Now putting that aside I might ask if it is possible for people to so far as to become unforgivable. I would say no.
In a conversation with Peter beginning in Matthew 18:21 the topic comes up to about forgiveness. Peter being super-spiritual asks, "How many times shall I forgive my brother up to 7 times?" Jesus response is, "Not seven times but seventy times seven." Now I am not a legalist. I do not take it to mean that Jesus was saying that we only need to forgive someone 490 times. I take it as hyperbola. It is a way of saying, "Always forgive!" When I think that here our Lord is telling us that we must always forgive someone when they sin against us, I am left to wonder what is God's position on forgiveness. If we must always forgive others, then I am left with believing that God will always forgive us, when we come to Him earnestly asking for forgiveness.
The Hebrews saw God as The God who forgives all our sins and heals all our diseases (Ps. 103:3). So even in the OT the people of God saw YHVH as the God who will always forgive. In John's first epistle we are told, first that anyone who says they are without sin is a liar. We all need God's forgiveness. But then he goes on to tell us that if we confess our sins, (which is to say be in agreement with God that we have in fact committed a sin) then God is faithful and just and will forgive us of our sins and cleanse us of all unrighteousness. Those are pretty powerful words. And I must ask myself how must I respond to them?
I am left with the conclusion that God doesn't want to hold anything against me. So long as I am willing to fess up and admit that I have sinned and ask for His forgiveness, He is willing to forgive me.
What what about those people who are perpetually sinning. People who are addicted to pornography, sex, drugs, alcohol or any number of other life dominating behavior patterns? Can such a person receive again and again, God's forgiveness? I must say yes. First if God requires us to repeatedly forgive others, then He too must be willing to forgive anyone and every one. Whatever God asks us to do, is in line with His will and His character. Now there may be consequences for such behavior, much as there is a consequence for putting your hand in a fire. But I have seen people who spent most of their young adult lives, using drugs and alcohol, who have been fornicators and who have repeatedly stolen from their families to pay for their addictions be forgiven and healed even of things like AIDS.
The problem is, is that there are schemes of the enemy in place, set to entrap us, to take advantage of our weaknesses so that we will be held captive to sin and not see the fullness of Gods redemption. Now I cannot say that I know all the theology behind this; why it is that some people find it easy to be free of sinful habits and for other's it is a life long struggle? Some blame it on generational curses. Others blame it on strongholds in our lives. Whatever the case, some people just seem to struggle more than others until the root of it is found and pulled out.
I have seen multiple methods employed to get to the source of these people's problems. I have seen people set free only to be sucked back into the same web of sin and condemnation. I have recognized the enemy's one-two punch of temptation followed up with the double cross of condemnation. I have also seen people who have been deeply hurt by loved ones. This can be one of the hardest things to overcome. Children whose trust was betrayed by parents or close family friends or members. I have seen wives and husbands betrayed or abused by their spouses. For many the cycle goes on and on; abuse, forgiveness followed by further abuse. But whatever the case, from what I have seen the only path to healing for those sinned against is through forgiveness.
I don't mean to say that someone must continue to subject themselves to abuse, but at the same time, I am saying that no matter the hurt, we must work to not repay the sin but rather to forgive the one who has sinned against us.
Jesus forgave those who crucified him while he hung on the cross and doing so demonstrated to us how we are to deal with those who hurt us. As his followers we are called to become more and more like him. To lay down our preconceived notions of fairness and the right to retribution and instead bless those who curse us and pray for the benefit of those who mistreat us. We must also forgive those who disappoint us; this has been a difficult path for me. We are all in process. We are all working out our salvation with fear and trembling. I know of no one when compared to God and his perfect Word who can all themselves perfect. So if we are not perfect in God's eyes and yet He has offered us salvation and forgiveness, how can we then who are imperfect expect perfection out of another person? Yes people will fail us.
So let us all move on and live in the freedom of God's love by giving up unforgiveness and granting forgiveness to those who have failed us or hurt us. Jesus came to set the captives free. One of the things that holds us in captivity, to fear and endless anger is unforgiveness. Let us cast it aside and embrace to fullness of God's agape love that we might walk in the freedom that Christ has granted us through the forgiveness of sins.
To God be the Glory forever and ever, Amen
Maybe be its easier if you have failed in a big way; if you have committed one or more of the big ten. And maybe it's harder when you have not overtly committed one of the great sins. But In Jesus words, if you will excuse my paraphrase, "If you thought it, you did it." The person who looks at another person with lust in their heart is guilty of either adultery, if they are married, or fornication. Pretty serious sins. He also tells us that if we hate someone then we are guilty of murder. So if you think you are sinless or that your sins don't count as much as those of a murder, fornicator, homosexual or adulterer, then think again.
The cost of sin is death. All of us have sinned an fall short of the glory of God. All of us need the saving power of God's grace and Jesus' blood. But actually at this point I am more concerned about those people who don't think that God can forgive them, or that think that they cannot forgive another. According to Jesus there is only one sin that cannot be forgiven; blaspheming the Holy Spirit. I think that most people do not know how to do that, but there are some out there treading on it by claiming that speaking in tongues (strange languages) is of the devil. Now putting that aside I might ask if it is possible for people to so far as to become unforgivable. I would say no.
In a conversation with Peter beginning in Matthew 18:21 the topic comes up to about forgiveness. Peter being super-spiritual asks, "How many times shall I forgive my brother up to 7 times?" Jesus response is, "Not seven times but seventy times seven." Now I am not a legalist. I do not take it to mean that Jesus was saying that we only need to forgive someone 490 times. I take it as hyperbola. It is a way of saying, "Always forgive!" When I think that here our Lord is telling us that we must always forgive someone when they sin against us, I am left to wonder what is God's position on forgiveness. If we must always forgive others, then I am left with believing that God will always forgive us, when we come to Him earnestly asking for forgiveness.
The Hebrews saw God as The God who forgives all our sins and heals all our diseases (Ps. 103:3). So even in the OT the people of God saw YHVH as the God who will always forgive. In John's first epistle we are told, first that anyone who says they are without sin is a liar. We all need God's forgiveness. But then he goes on to tell us that if we confess our sins, (which is to say be in agreement with God that we have in fact committed a sin) then God is faithful and just and will forgive us of our sins and cleanse us of all unrighteousness. Those are pretty powerful words. And I must ask myself how must I respond to them?
I am left with the conclusion that God doesn't want to hold anything against me. So long as I am willing to fess up and admit that I have sinned and ask for His forgiveness, He is willing to forgive me.
What what about those people who are perpetually sinning. People who are addicted to pornography, sex, drugs, alcohol or any number of other life dominating behavior patterns? Can such a person receive again and again, God's forgiveness? I must say yes. First if God requires us to repeatedly forgive others, then He too must be willing to forgive anyone and every one. Whatever God asks us to do, is in line with His will and His character. Now there may be consequences for such behavior, much as there is a consequence for putting your hand in a fire. But I have seen people who spent most of their young adult lives, using drugs and alcohol, who have been fornicators and who have repeatedly stolen from their families to pay for their addictions be forgiven and healed even of things like AIDS.
The problem is, is that there are schemes of the enemy in place, set to entrap us, to take advantage of our weaknesses so that we will be held captive to sin and not see the fullness of Gods redemption. Now I cannot say that I know all the theology behind this; why it is that some people find it easy to be free of sinful habits and for other's it is a life long struggle? Some blame it on generational curses. Others blame it on strongholds in our lives. Whatever the case, some people just seem to struggle more than others until the root of it is found and pulled out.
I have seen multiple methods employed to get to the source of these people's problems. I have seen people set free only to be sucked back into the same web of sin and condemnation. I have recognized the enemy's one-two punch of temptation followed up with the double cross of condemnation. I have also seen people who have been deeply hurt by loved ones. This can be one of the hardest things to overcome. Children whose trust was betrayed by parents or close family friends or members. I have seen wives and husbands betrayed or abused by their spouses. For many the cycle goes on and on; abuse, forgiveness followed by further abuse. But whatever the case, from what I have seen the only path to healing for those sinned against is through forgiveness.
I don't mean to say that someone must continue to subject themselves to abuse, but at the same time, I am saying that no matter the hurt, we must work to not repay the sin but rather to forgive the one who has sinned against us.
Jesus forgave those who crucified him while he hung on the cross and doing so demonstrated to us how we are to deal with those who hurt us. As his followers we are called to become more and more like him. To lay down our preconceived notions of fairness and the right to retribution and instead bless those who curse us and pray for the benefit of those who mistreat us. We must also forgive those who disappoint us; this has been a difficult path for me. We are all in process. We are all working out our salvation with fear and trembling. I know of no one when compared to God and his perfect Word who can all themselves perfect. So if we are not perfect in God's eyes and yet He has offered us salvation and forgiveness, how can we then who are imperfect expect perfection out of another person? Yes people will fail us.
So let us all move on and live in the freedom of God's love by giving up unforgiveness and granting forgiveness to those who have failed us or hurt us. Jesus came to set the captives free. One of the things that holds us in captivity, to fear and endless anger is unforgiveness. Let us cast it aside and embrace to fullness of God's agape love that we might walk in the freedom that Christ has granted us through the forgiveness of sins.
To God be the Glory forever and ever, Amen
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